Fighting Through the Storm
by koolkat21
Summary: Just my version of how Jr.'s going to deal with his dad's death from after the 2/25 episode Note: Kind of fast I know, but now finished!! Thanks for all the reviews. I couldn't have done it without you guys!:-)
1. Default Chapter

Note: Since NPYD isn't gonna be on for awhile due to that stupid reality show, I thought I would write my ideas out on how Jr. handles his father's death after the 2/25 episode. Thanks!  
  
Sunlight poured in the room. Jr. slowly opened his eyes and suddenly guarded them from the brightness. He sighed and rubbed his red, puffy eyes. After he had watched the video of his dad he cried every last tear he had until he passed out from the pain, and tiredness. He slowly sat up and looked at the clock, soon realizing that he was an hour late for work, a place where he didn't feel like going to today. Everyone would just be saying how sorry they were, and he didn't need that. He started to get up, but suddenly sat back down in an instant with everything that happened the day before hitting him like a rock. He thought back to how he found his dad, how he looked- blood everywhere and his eyes wide open. No matter how hard he tried though, he couldn't get that image out of his head. He suddenly moved and accidentally hit the remote to the t.v. and his dad filled the screen once more.  
  
"I'm done raising you... I love you... Keep making me proud..."  
  
Jr.'s chin began to quiver again, but before he would let any tears come out, he suddenly got up and threw the remote at the t.v. in a fit of rage.  
  
"Do you really dad?! Do you really love me or just wanted to make my life a living hell??!!"  
  
"No, he loved you."  
  
Jr. turned around and saw Andy standing before him.  
  
"Sorry, the door was open and I heard you... Uh, anyway, I just wanted to see how you were holding up."  
  
Jr. sighed and picked up some things from the floor. "You know as well as one kid can when their father kill themselves thinking it's the best thing to do for them."  
  
"Your dad left a note?"  
  
"No, a video tape. He taped himself saying that he was done raising me, that this was the best thing he could do, you know, typical suicide stuff."  
  
"Aw, John... Look, I know it's hard and that your dad may not have picked the best way out of his pain, but he loved you."  
  
"Yeah, sure. But I don't know why seeing as how I drove him to do this."  
  
"John, this isn't your fault. I don't want you blaming yourself for this."  
  
"The last time we spoke I told him to stop worrying about me and to worry about himself."  
  
"John, I know it may not seem like it, but you told him the right thing. You were trying to get him straightened out. Some people just can't handle things well. You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
"Then why..." Jr. paused and took a deep breath trying to calm his shaky voice. "Why do I feel so... so..."  
  
He then leaned forward against the wall and closed his eyes tight, Andy soon hearing him cry. Andy stayed silent a few moments. He knew what Jr. felt like with losing a loved one. However not one of the four people he lost had died from committing suicide. Losing a loved one was enough but when they take their own life it's worse, because the ones who were closest feel that they were somehow responsible. He knew that that's what Jr. must have been feeling at that point and he wanted to curse his dad for doing this to him. The poor kid had already been through enough this year and this was the worst thing to top it all off with.  
  
Andy slowly walked over to Jr. who was still crying, and gently turned him around, and held him. Jr. buried his head in Andy's coat and continued to shed the tears of pain. Andy was willing to do whatever it took to help him through this. Because he couldn't stand to see his partner and friend like this- so upset, so hurt, so... lost.  
  
Note: Okay or corny? Shall I continue or not? 


	2. Saying GoodBye

Uniforms all around. Guns firing in the air. The taps playing in the distance. People crying, and people praying. Jr.'s dad surely had a lot of people who cared about him, which made him wonder why his dad had felt so empty. He sat in front of the casket in full uniform solemnly, just staring at the coffin that held his once painful father who was now at peace. He still couldn't get over the guilty feeling he had, knowing that maybe if he hadn't of gotten in that fight with his dad that night, that if he hadn't of told him to worry about himself instead of him, that maybe, just maybe, he would still be alive at this moment. Andy and Rita had both told him that he had nothing to do with it, that he couldn't blame himself. But even with the two people he cared about most on the squad telling him, he still couldn't bring himself to stop with the what ifs.  
  
Suddenly the service was over, and Jr. watched as his dad was being lowered in the ground. A tear silently fell down his cheek as he sat there not moving. He then felt a hand on his shoulder, then two arms wrapping around him.  
  
"Hey, why don't we go talk to some people about your dad? Maybe that'll help if you talk about him," Rita said.  
  
"Yeah, I mean your dad was loved by a lot of people. Sharing the memories is one way of keeping him close to you," Andy stated.  
  
Jr. continued to watch his dad's casket getting deeper and deeper into the ground. "If so many people loved him and cared about him, then why did he feel he had to end his life?"  
  
He then got up and walked off, leaving Rita and Andy by themselves.  
  
Rita sighed. "I wish he would listen to us."  
  
"He's lost. I mean that was the last of his family he had. And nothing's stronger than a father/son relationship. It'll take some time, but we're going to be there for him for whenever he needs us."  
  
"I just feel so helpless."  
  
"I know. But sooner or later he's going to talk to us. And let's just hope that when he does, he'll trust us to help him. Because he's gonna need us. And we always make sure to be there for him. Always."  
  
Note: Okay kind of short and maybe boring, but I'm building. I should have the next chapter out ASAP!! Thanks!!:-) 


	3. Hiding from the Truth

It was now a couple days later, and everyone was busy working at their desks, trying to put the past couple days behind them for the time being. Andy sighed and looked over at Jr.'s empty desk. After the funeral, Jr. mostly kept to himself, and whenever Andy, Rita, or anyone else from the squad tried to talk to him, he would barely say anything and solemnly walk off to be by himself. Andy knew he needed time; it was hard to let go of someone close. Especially a father.  
  
"Hey everyone!" Jr. said walking in.  
  
"John? What are you doing back so soon?" Andy said, getting up from his desk.  
  
"Well, it's kind of pointless to sit at home isn't it, Andy? It can make someone crazy."  
  
"Are you sure you're up to working today?" Rodriguez asked him.  
  
"Oh yeah, a brand new attitude!"  
  
Everyone silently looked at each other, knowing full well that he was just trying to bury his feelings in his work. Andy knew most of all. Each time he had lost someone, he immediately went back to work, trying to bury his feelings the same way, but each time they would come exploding out of him when he least expected it. He just didn't want that to happen to Jr. He was too young, with his whole life ahead of him. He didn't want him to go tumbling into an uncontrollable emotional roller coaster. He needed to talk to someone. He just hoped that Jr. would let him talk to him later, so he could help him before it was too late.  
  
Jr. noticed the silence of everyone and sighed. "Look guys, I know this is kind of soon, but seriously, I feel fine. Please just act normal to me, okay?"  
  
Connie nodded. "Sure thing. Welcome back."  
  
"Yeah, we're glad to have you with us again, John," Baldwin agreed.  
  
"We certainly missed you, detective," gay John stated.  
  
Rita however, responded by looking at him and walking to another room. She knew he wasn't telling the truth and she hated it when he wouldn't share his feelings with her.  
  
Jr. noticed, but quickly smiled. "Thanks everyone. Uh, will you excuse me for a moment?"  
  
He then walked back to where Rita was and closed the door behind him. "Hey, what was that all about?"  
  
"Oh, so what, you're going to talk to me now?" Rita replied.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"It means that you're putting on an act, John! I mean, you are not okay. You don't have a brand new attitude; you're just hiding the one you already have. Burying your feelings in your work isn't going to help you. It's going to make the pressure build up inside of you and that isn't healthy!"  
  
"You know what, I don't need a therapist right now, Rita!"  
  
"Yes, you do! You need to talk to someone about this! It's eating you up inside. And I won't feel right with you anymore with you putting on this act. I don't want to be with a fake John, I want to be with YOU, the real John."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry you see me like that."  
  
"Well it's true. I'm sorry that this happened to you and I want to help you, but you won't let me! You won't let anyone! You're shutting everyone who cares about you out. Now you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, just get some help from someone you know can help you deal with this. Don't let this destroy you!"  
  
"Look, I don't WANT to talk to anyone! I'm fine. And obviously I thought I could count on you but I guess not."  
  
"You're right. You can't count on me. But not with that attitude. Call me when you get a new one."  
  
With that, she walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Jr. stood there silently for a few minutes, took a deep breath and walked out the room, where Andy greeted him.  
  
"Uh, we got a DOA on West 10th. You up for it?"  
  
Jr. nodded. "Yup."  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Never better."  
  
Jr. put on his coat and grabbed a radio, heading out the door. Andy looked over at Rita and saw her tensely watch him leave. Andy sighed, and then slowly followed him out, leaving a mental note to talk to him later about this. **  
  
When they arrived at the scene, the place was already flooded. Andy and Jr. made their way to the body and got the attention of a uniform.  
  
"Detectives Clark and Sipowitz," Jr. said. "What have we got?"  
  
"A John Doe. Approximately fifty to sixty years of age. Witnesses say that he was mugged, but we have one who saw exactly what happened. That homeless guy over there."  
  
Andy and Jr. approached him and had to stay back a little from the way he smelled.  
  
"Detectives Sipowitz and Clark. Can you tell us what happened?" Andy asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sittin' here trying to scrub up some grub from out of the trash can, when all of a sudden I hear this guy scream. I turn around and see this big black dude come up on this old guy with a gun telling him to give him his wallet and jewelry. Then the old guy does and the black guy shoots him anyway! Then I hid behind the dumpster and the black guy ran away. That's all I saw."  
  
"Allright, we're gonna need you to come down to the station with us and see if you can pick out his picture," Jr. said.  
  
"Fine. Sure. But what do I get in return?"  
  
"A hot shower and a hot meal," Andy replied.  
  
The guy nodded. "Deal."  
  
Jr. then walked back to the body to do his usual searching for any clues. He quickly pulled back the yellow tarp but instead of seeing this guy, his dad's vision came in to view. Jr. blinked, but still saw his dad, with blood oozing out from his head.  
  
"John? What's wrong?" Andy said, noticing how sick he looked.  
  
"Uh, nothing, I uh..."  
  
He didn't get a chance to finish for when suddenly, everything became blurry and he felt the ground come upon him. He struggled to focus, as he heard Andy shouting his name and running over to him. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't form any words. He then slowly closed his eyes. The darkness won.  
  
TBC.... 


	4. Prayers

Andy waited patiently outside the er of the hospital, hoping that Jr. was going to be okay. And he just hoped that after this, Jr. would finally listen to someone and go get some professional help with this.  
  
"Andy! Is he okay?" Rita said, running in.  
  
"I don't know, the doctor hasn't told me anything, yet," he replied.  
  
"Well, what happened?"  
  
"I don't know. We were at the crime scene, Jr. goes to see if he can find any clues on the DOA, and all of a sudden I see him get a sick look on his face and then hit the ground like a rock."  
  
Rita quietly gasped. "Oh my god. I just hope-"  
  
"He's going to be fine," Andy interrupted.  
  
Rita silently nodded as she looked down at her hands, her eyes getting filled with tears.  
  
"Uh, Detective Sipowitz?" a doctor said coming out of the er.  
  
Andy suddenly stood up, along with Rita. "Yeah, how is he?"  
  
"Well, we got him stabilized, but he's going to have to stay in the hospital for about a week or so."  
  
"What?! I though he just fainted?" Rita commented.  
  
"Well, yes, he did, but there's reasons why. Tests showed that he's barely slept but maybe about twelve hours over the past five days, he's barely eaten anything at all, and he's been emotionally stressed out to the point where he was close to having a heart attack. Do you know what might have caused all this?"  
  
"Yeah. His dad died last week. They were pretty close and he was the only family left," Andy said, hiding the fact about him committing suicide.  
  
"I see. Well that would do it."  
  
"Uh, doctor, can I see him?"  
  
"I'm afraid he's going to need all the rest he can get for now. Why don't you come back tomorrow?"  
  
"I can't. I won't wake him, I just need to see him for myself. You know, see that he's okay. Please?"  
  
The doctor hesitated and sighed. "Allright but only for a few minutes."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
A couple of minutes later, she entered the room where Jr. was, and took in his sleeping form. He had an iv set up to him, and an oxygen tube on his nose, which the doctor had said that since he was close to the heart attack zone, he wanted to make sure that he got enough oxygen to help him stay comfortable.  
  
She slowly walked over to his bed, and gently took his hand, giving it a soft kiss. She wiped a tear from her eye and continued to look at him with love and hope.  
  
"Don't you dare give up, John. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, don't you know that? I want to get married, I want to have children, and grandchildren. I want to have that fantasy of being able to be old and gray and sitting on the porch swing watching our grandchildren play. Please fight for us, John. Your dad wouldn't want you like this. He would want you to try and go on with your life. There are people who love you and care about you, and we don't want to see you get hurt. And don't feel you don't have a family anymore, because you do. You have everyone at the squad rooting for you. We all care about you. Especially Andy and me. So please don't give up. Please!"  
  
"Don't worry," Andy said, entering. "If it's the John we know, he'll fight as hard as he can. I can promise you that. We just have to have faith in him."  
  
"I know. And I do. More than anything."  
  
Both Rita and Andy then sat there silently by his bedside as he continued to sleep, both silently saying a prayer, hoping that Jr. would pull through- both physically and emotionally.  
  
TBC.. 


	5. Back in Action

A couple of hours later, Jr. woke up, wondering what the heck happened and why he was in the hospital. Could it be that he's been in here for a while? Could it be that what happened with his father was a dream? But how did he get in the hospital? He didn't remember any shootings or car accidents or anything that could have put him in there. He didn't ache anywhere, except for a slight headache. And it was getting worse as he tried to figure out the answers he didn't have.  
  
"Finally, I'd thought you'd never wake up," Andy said, walking into his room.  
  
Jr. looked dazed for a moment, as well as confused. "What happened?"  
  
"Well, I'm not sure exactly. We were at a crime scene, and you went over to check out the DOA, but suddenly passed out. I'm guessing it had something to do with your dad."  
  
Jr. stayed silent for a moment. "So what happened with my dad wasn't a dream?"  
  
Andy shook his head slightly. "No. I'm sorry, John."  
  
Jr. sat there silently looking far off into space, wishing more than anything that Andy was lying, but he knew his partner and knew that he would never do that to him. "Oh. Yeah, well, I guess I should have realized.."  
  
"John, look, I found a therapist here that's really good at consoling patients who have lost loved ones. I think maybe you should talk to her."  
  
Jr. still stared straight ahead and shook his head. "No. I don't need a shrink."  
  
"John-"  
  
"Andy, I DON'T need a shrink. And I won't talk to one, allright?"  
  
Andy nodded. "Allright, I understand. Whenever I lost someone, I didn't really feel like talking to a shrink either. But then it tore me up inside and I ended up not being the person I wanted to be. And I don't want that happening to you. What I'm trying to say is, if you don't want to talk to a shrink, then at least talk to someone you trust. Don't hold your feelings in. It'll eat you up inside. And that's not healthy for anyone."  
  
"You've been talking to Rita I see," he replied, looking down at his hands.  
  
"No, actually I haven't. Why?"  
  
"She basically said the same thing. But she also said she didn't want to be with a fake me. That she wanted to be with the real me. The question is, I'm not sure I even know who that is anymore."  
  
"Fine, I'll tell you. You are John Clark Jr. A great friend, a great son-"  
  
"You mean, former son?"  
  
"No, I mean you're a great son. Just because both of your parents are gone doesn't mean that you're still not a son."  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
Andy sighed. "Look, why don't I come back later? You look like you could use some rest."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Andy sighed, and padded him on the arm. "I'm here for you if you need me. I don't care what time or what day it is, got it?"  
  
Jr. silently nodded, and Andy walked away and watched as his lost partner and friend went to sleep. **  
  
A few weeks later, John was working at his desk, getting a headache from all the paperwork. He had been scheduled to remain in the precinct for little while until they thought he would be okay enough to go out on a case.  
  
"Anything's better than this," he said to himself.  
  
"I don't blame you," Baldwin replied. "Paperwork isn't the best."  
  
"Yeah, you don't have to tell me twice."  
  
"Hey, how about a little break? We can go get some lunch."  
  
Jr. sighed. "Yeah, sure. Lead the way." **  
  
They then made their way to a little deli on 1st avenue and sat down. Jr. stared at the menu, not really hungry, while Baldwin made up his mind right away. The waitress took their order, and they sat there patiently, neither one of them not sure what to say to the other.  
  
"So, uh, how've you been?" Baldwin asked, breaking the silence.  
  
"Uh, okay. Not great but-"  
  
"Shut up and give me your money, lady!!"  
  
Baldwin and Jr. looked over at the cash register and saw a man in a ski mask with a gun, waving it around in front of the woman, along with another guy, telling everyone else to get down. Baldwin and Jr. both crouched down behind their chairs, guns in place ready for anything that might happen.  
  
"Fifteenth squad to central k," Jr. whispered.  
  
"Go head fifteenth squad."  
  
"We have two armed intruders in the 1st avenue deli. We're requesting backup and a bus."  
  
"Ten four. Backup and bus on the way."  
  
"Come on lady, hurry up!!" the guy yelled, as he waved his gun around.  
  
"Allright, allright!" the woman screamed, barely able to focus on what she was doing.  
  
"Hey, sit down!! Everybody down!!" the other guy yelled.  
  
The other woman finished giving the money handing the bag to the woman, but didn't move. He smugly grinned, followed by a laugh, as he clicked the gun and pointed it at the woman. "Thanks, sweetie. I'll see you in hell."  
  
The woman began crying hysterically. "NO!!"  
  
Baldwin and Jr. suddenly got up, pointing their gun at them.  
  
"Freeze, NYPD!!" Baldwin shouted.  
  
"Drop your guns, NOW!!" Jr. screamed.  
  
However both men didn't move, but instead stood there smugly. "Aw come on detectives," the man at the counter stated. "We can all be friendly here, can't we?"  
  
"Yeah. If you drop the guns. Otherwise you're gonna get blown away," Jr. replied.  
  
"Oh, I'm so scared. You're going to shoot me with your little pistols, while I have a bigger more powerful gun in my hand that can rip you guys to shreds with one shot? You guys are hilarious."  
  
"I don't see anyone laughing here," Baldwin stated. "Just set the guns on the ground. If you do that now, maybe we can work out some kind of deal."  
  
"A deal? Yeah, right. I've been in the system before. Your so called deals are crap!"  
  
"Well, we're sorry to hear that. But why do something to jeopardize yourself when obviously you just got out?" Jr. asked.  
  
"Because I needed the money. And an ex convict doesn't have a whole lot of luck finding a job. I have a family I need to provide for!"  
  
"Okay, well would you want your family to know that this is how you got it?"  
  
"Shut up! They're not gonna know!!"  
  
"Look, why don't we-"  
  
"Shut up!! Just shut up!!"  
  
He then turned shot his gun, accidentally hitting his partner that was with him, sending him to the ground. He then turned and aimed it at Baldwin and shot it. Jr. immediately pushed him out of the way and both of them landed on the ground with a crash.  
  
"You son of a bitch!!"  
  
He then turned to shoot at Jr. but was suddenly stopped by Andy and Rodriguez running in.  
  
"Drop it! NOW!!" Andy shouted.  
  
The guy sighed, and reluctantly threw it on the ground, Rodriguez attacking him and cuffing him.  
  
Andy ran over to Baldwin and Jr. concerned when he saw both of them lying on the ground.  
  
"You guys okay?"  
  
Baldwin sat up and nodded. "Yeah, I think so. But where's this blood com- oh my god. John?"  
  
Andy and Baldwin then watched in horror as blood expanded out from am unconscious Jr.'s side.  
  
TBC... 


	6. At Peace Once More

"John?! Come on say something, man!" Baldwin screamed.  
  
"Uh... How about don't scream in my ear for starters?" Jr. replied.  
  
"Are you okay?" Andy asked, concerned.  
  
Jr. nodded and slowly got up from the support of Baldwin and Andy. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just knocked myself out on the table when we fell."  
  
Baldwin looked confused. "Well, what about the blood we saw?"  
  
Jr. grinned, leaned down and wiped some off, then licking it off his fingers. "Ketchup. I also managed to break that."  
  
Both Andy and Baldwin breathed a sigh of relief, both of them soon hearing Jr. ... laughing?  
  
Andy looked at him questionably. Was this the same Jr. he knew for the past few weeks? "John?"  
  
Jr. finally stopped and smiled. "Ketchup. It was just ketchup. Wow."  
  
Baldwin looked confused. "Yeah, so?"  
  
Jr. shook his head. "Aw, I don't know. Just the look on your guy's faces. This would be a good Halloween prank."  
  
"Uh, are you sure you're okay, man?"  
  
"Yeah! I think I am. I mean, I darted in front of a shooter to save your ass! I mean, how could I think I'm responsible for killing my own father, when I can't even let just my friend die? I mean, I loved my father. I was doing what I thought was best. What he did was just his own mistake. His wrong one. I couldn't control that!" he then started laughing again. "Ketchup! Who knew?"  
  
Baldwin and Andy just stood there as Jr. made his way over to a very worried looking Rita who also looked confused when she saw him laughing.  
  
"So what exactly does that mean?" Baldwin asked.  
  
Andy shrugged. "Ketchup. Who knew?" **  
  
"You know, I love you pop. Don't think that I still don't. And I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but you weren't. You say you cared about me, yet you did the one thing that threatened to ruin my life. And part of the reason why you seemed you had to be there for me all the time was because of my partnership with Andy. That I'd think of him as a father rather than you. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Andy. He's a great friend. But you're my father. And by you thinking that makes you somewhat less of the father I used to think you were. What you did was selfish and I'll never forgive you for it. You're just lucky I have such great people at the squad who care about me. But I also know, that even though you didn't always show it in the best way, you cared for me a lot, too. And I cared about you. And I will continue to go on with my life. Maybe get married with Rita, have some kids, get some solid roots in my life. But I have to move on, pop. But just know that I will always, always love you and that you'll always be in my heart right next to mom. Good-bye, dad."  
  
Jr. silently laid some flowers on his father's grave and sat there a minute, rubbing his hand over the stone. He then felt two hands on his shoulders and he stood there for a second more, wiped a tear away from his cheek, and got up, Rita and Andy both putting an arm around him as they walked away.  
  
"Um, I just wanted to say thanks for being there for me guys. I'm sorry I was so difficult," he stated.  
  
"No, you weren't. You were just lost. But I'm glad you found your way back. I love you so much," Rita replied, giving him a quick kiss.  
  
"And we'll always be here for you, no matter what," Andy said.  
  
Jr. nodded. "I know. Thanks, Andy. You're a great friend."  
  
"Eh, you're okay, too."  
  
They both smiled and Andy patted him on the back as all three walked towards the car. Jr. sighed and smiled to himself. He may still never totally get over his father's death, but he knew that no matter what happened he had the two greatest people to help him along the way. And that was certainly a blessing all on its own. ** 


End file.
